Angels are watching me...

Last night i placed some ply wood, some rubber, some glue and some sponge on one of the tables. I had bought these things with the last of the money that i had, intending to make one last Table Tennis bat for my wealthy client. However, I could not afford to put the heating on, my hands far too cold to work and so went to bed with stiff little fingers and stress in my heart.
I had a restless sleep, worrys and problems chased themselves around my head like dogs chasing cats. All night long i was convinced i could hear tiny chatter and wispy laughter, an affectation of my maudlin state i believed.
It was a long night.

But Lo! This morning when i did rise, all set to go and make the last table tennis bat of my life, i saw that someone had done it for me. I asked people I lived with, 'did you make this?'
A conclusive NO.

The bat was beautifully made, no trace of excess glue to be seen on rubber nor wood.
The handle had been flared and sanded to a glassy finish, a tiny gold line painted on for decoration. Its beauty made my manhood stir.
My client arrived at 10am to pick up the bat. When he saw the finished product he gasped and spluttered like an engine trying to start on a frosty morning.
'why this is beautiful!' he exclaimed. 'I want ten more just like it and i shall pay you double!'
So I have a mystery. Who made this bat for me? Why did they do it? My clients deposit enabled me to buy more than enough materials to make ten more bats but i am unsure as to whether i will be able to do them to the same standard.
We shall see.

Reminder...

Wiff Waff is every friday, 8 til late.

A new dawn a new day.

From the desk of affable Waff, written on behalf of laffable Wiff.

So next Friday sees our fifteenth WiffWaff night arrive.

Time to look back on some of the highlights so far...

- The early days with confused table positioning and chairs NOT on wheels... How far we have come...
- When we were given loads of Red Bull, and so was dishing it out like water. May have caused a heart attack in an elderly friend of ours. Yikes.
- The rise and fall of the Jerk Chicken lady. She was here, she cooked out the front, she vanished. We miss your smokey goodness.
- The day when groups of people arrived that WE DIDNT ALREADY KNOW!! Good times indeed.
- When the girl fell off the bar in an attempt to win a Table Tennis themed dance off.
- The day when my expensive bat arrived in the post making me basically undefeatable.
- Changing from tiny speakers putting out background music to big speakers allowing music to get inside your wiffwaff brainboxes.
- Ladies being invited to 'the tent'
- The arrival of 150 orange balls. Oh frabjous day! Callou Callay!
- Seeing new and wonderful people come along each week to join us.

Where Is the Silver Bat

STOLEN...

One beautiful, specially chromed, silver table tennis bat. Taken from its Wiff Waff home on friday. Please if anyone sees it let us know PLEASE. We miss it and it is a one off, so if anyone sees a shiny table tennis bat it is ours!

Care Of Ones Bat

Table Tennis bat maintenance is a crucial aspect to the modern players elite game.
So how does one take care of a much loved paddle?
Treat it right. A bat is like a delicate woman. Rubber on both sides with a spongy layer. Wash her daily to clean off dust, dry her with a soft clean white towel.
On valentines day take your bat/woman to a meal. Neither will eat much if you have picked the right one. And if she offers to pay laugh a bit then say "OK fairs fair"
Tuck her in at night and smother her in dry kisses. Wet lips will damage her outer layers as their is acid in your saliva. An acid tongue huh? Yes.
Always remember your anniversary. When the bat arrived all new and shining and you finally said to the old bat you had been 'using' I think we need a break...
Never treat her too roughly, caress the ball over the net with her face, dont whack it. Bats rarely walk into walls by themselves so a damaged bat is your fault alone.
Hope this helps and remember LOOK AFTER HER.

The Dream

Last night I slept and Dreamt. I dreamt i was a table tennis ball and i kept getting smacked on my smooth white round bottom. Each hit made me faster and faster, each touch of the rubber paddle added more spin to my body until i was giddy with excitment. Then i missed the end of the table and bounced weightlessly across the floor, coming to rest under a couch. It was dark and I was frightened. My body had stopped spinning and i was alone. I sat there sadly sobbing hearing the muffled voices of the players as they searched for me frantically. I thought all was lost.
Then a beam of sunlight smacked me in the face as they lifted the couch to retrieve me. I quivered in one of their hands as they walked back to the table.
I was thrown high in the air and once more felt the paddle smack into my arse...
Bliss...

Wiff Waff List of ear sounds

As Wiff Waff grows in popularity it becomes time to post up a playlist of what music we have been recently stealing and playing.
Its getting colder, we will now be serving Wiff Waff Mulled Wine and encouraging vigourous playing and dancing to chase away the chills.

Last weeks top ten list...
Love Sick - Lindstrom and Christabelle

Vitamin S - Cham

Dont Walk Away - Chromeo

Dance Yrself Clean - LCD Soundsystem

I Need a Freak - Egyptian Lover

Hold The Line - Major Lazer

Raid On The Radio - General Elektriks

Wonderful Life - Hurts

Computer Kidz - Phonique
Twerk - Basement Jaxx

The Silver Bat...

It certainly is....



Been having a look at some things to get my TT juices flowing.

Channeling

I remember the glory days or raquet'd sports, when they were to be played by lady-like ladies and gentle, although somewhat hedonistic, gentlemen. Remember those times? People wanted a sport they could play whilst enjoying a cigar or glass of sherry. Fred Perry was a man who enjoyed the high life. He was a wiff waff stud before his tennis career. Wiff Waff Brothers like him, and his mad style. He had those shirts before chavs did, and he looked remarkably smarter in them. He dated british actresses and british models and AMERICAN actresses, too. Ritzy. He was the world's no. 1 tennis ace for 5 years, and was an ace in the clubs where smart attire, loose women and bountiful good vibes flowed for a long time, as well. Wait, a club like that sounds very similar to a certain East London establishment good looking people attend on a friday night. Is it possible that the Wiff Waff Brothers themselves channel the ghost of their spiritual leader? Yes. No need for theories an conspiracies here. Wiff Waff Brothers party all week round and everybody loves them for it. Enjoy this picture of Uncle Fred and imagine yourself dressed like him or making out with someone dressed like him, drinking his drinks and having his talent when you come this friday night.

Whilst Trawling through Photos looking for a Table Tennis pin up to order some posters on i found this smoking Lass....

Err... YEP

I thought my walls would be better with more than one

amazing demon of spin so i then found her rival...

Get in my love. Lovely form, excellent wrist control

and a devlish backhand as

one can see. Kind of puts

the last girl to shame....

Or maybe not.

I am in love with Table Tennis Totty.

End of story.

The nights continue

Yet another charming night of Wiff Waff, People drenched with sweat due to high octane table tennis action. Phew, there we go.

Arrived

Following the successful trial night of party orientated table tennis, The Wiff Waff Brothers, after ironing out the proverbial creases, testing the proverbial waters and serving the proverbial ball, come to you live once a week, starting this Friday the 3rd of September. The Wiff Waff Brothers will celebrate Ping-Pong with the British traditions of theatre, high fashion, eclectic tunes, classy drinks and sumptuous culinary delights from 7:30pm-1:00am and all are welcome. If you're a table tennis ace, come. If you're dreadful, come. If you're a good night out enthusiast who knows how to let fun reign supreme, come, but bring 10 of your like-minded friends. Bumping DJ, Ping-Pong grudge matches, guest commentators during the Hour of Chaos and the perusing of rails loaded with vintage and contemporary fashions in the adjoining, acclaimed Pattern Market Vintage Shop. Play, love, dance, drink, eat, enjoy yourself but most importantly, enjoy each other and the only night fuelled purely by good vibrations.

Where: The Pattern Cutters, 242-248 Kingsland Road, Dalston E8 4DG, United Kingdom

When: Fridays, 7:30-1:00

Why: Because good people deserve a good time.

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(the following man is a nasty tory. Whilst we agree with his Wiff Waff sentiments, we are deeply opposed to his political ideologies)

Coming soon.... Wiff Waff Blog